By Caroline Staton
This week marks one year since I found out, at 8 weeks pregnant, that I was expecting twins and it's got me feeling quite emotional.
One of the most common questions I'm asked as a twin mum is "do twins run in the family?" and the answer to this is no! In fact identical twins, as my girls turned out to be, are not hereditary but a completely random occurrence, whereby a single fertilised egg splits into two embryos. But what people really want to know when they ask this is whether we were expecting to be expecting twins.
And of course we were not!
Once the shock and disbelief subsided I spent the next 5 months or so nodding along to people's exclamations of "how exciting" while internally feeling that it was anything but! In lots of ways it was good timing to be starting a family - I had married my wonderful husband 9 months before and we had just had an offer accepted on our first house. But I had still thought that parent hood was still a couple of years and a couple of nice holidays away - I really didn't think I was ready for a baby, let alone two!
I want pregnant women to know that it's OK and perfectly normal to feel a range of emotions and it's OK to talk about the worry, stress and maybe even dread, as well as showing off cute outfits and nursery ideas.
My biggest worry was that being a Mum wouldn't come naturally to me and that it would be immensely hard work, but that I wouldn't find it enjoyable or rewarding. Having also suffered with depression, I worried than I was a prime candidate for post natal depression. In spite of the invaluable support of the few close friends I was able to be completely honest with and the continual reassurance from my patient husband (he really did put up with a lot!) I spent much of my pregnancy in a really dark place.
Fast forward 12 months and I am the proud and totally fulfilled Mummy to 6 month olds Molly and Grace. It turns out that I was half right - it IS immensely hard work! But seeing my happy and healthy girls exploring the world together feels incredible! My husband is every bit the fantastic Dad I knew he would be and we are closer than ever.
I am especially proud and grateful to have been able to exclusively breastfeed them throughout and knowing that my body alone has grown two tiny humans from a single cell to the smiley, thriving babies they are now never ceases to amaze me.
I'll never forget how I felt during my pregnancy and I wouldn't want to because it's a part of my journey and has made me all the more grateful for what I have. But at the time the belief that I was wrong and should be ashamed for feeling the way I did, compacted all my negative emotions.
I want pregnant women to know that it's OK and perfectly normal to feel a range of emotions and it's OK to talk about the worry, stress and maybe even dread, as well as showing off cute outfits and nursery ideas.